Think Like a Whale!

Recently, in a large city in Australia , a poster featuring a young, thin and tan woman appeared in the window of a gym.
It said, "This summer,do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?"
A middle-aged woman,whose physical characteristics did not match those of the woman on the poster,responded publicly to the question posed by the gym.

To Whom It May Concern,
Whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, sea lions, curious humans.)
They have an active sex life,
get pregnant and have adorable baby whales.
They have a wonderful time with dolphins stuffing themselves with shrimp.
They play and swim in the seas,
seeing wonderful places like Patagonia ,
the Bering Sea
and the coral reefs of Polynesia .
Whales are wonderful singers
and have even recorded CDs.
They are incredible creatures
and virtually have no predators
other than humans.
They are loved, protected and admired
by almost everyone in the world.

Mermaids don't exist.
If they did exist,
they would be lining up outside the offices
of Argentinean psychoanalysts
due to identity crisis. Fish or human?
They don't have a sex life
because they kill men who get close to them, not to mention how could they have sex?
Just look at them ... where is IT?
Therefore, they don't have kids either..
Not to mention,
who wants to get close to a girl who smells
like a fish store?

The choice is perfectly clear to me:
I want to be a whale.

P. S. We are in an age
when media puts into our heads
the idea that only skinny people are beautiful, but I prefer to enjoy an ice cream with my kids, a good dinner with a man who makes me shiver, and a glass of wine with my friends. 
With time, we gain weight
because we accumulate so much information and wisdom in our heads
that when there is no more room,
it distributes out to the rest of our bodies.
So we aren't heavy,
we are enormously cultured,
educated and happy.
Beginning today,
when I look at my butt in the mirror I will think, Good grief, look how smart I am! 

 

 

The Glorious East End Women, Come enjoy the sites!

 That's right it's summertime again, time for all you men to enjoy the beautiful east end women in their their top of the line bikinis.
                                
                                                For the bosom guys!                                       
                                           
                                        Have enough energy for TWINS!
                                       
                                       If you are on VIAGARA this group is for you!
                                              

Hurry and get to those beaches because before you know it Fall will be back and clothes will go on!

                       Have a great summer east enders!

Bunland Exclusive: Sid's Secret Revealed!

So the latest blog in Bunland leads a reader to believe that Jim's third rabbit Sid is a real love! Sweet, tolerant, and good tempered. Fluffy, fuzzy, and warm. Always there to love. Well snap out of it, and take the bunny fuzz out of your brain Jim!

I had the rare opportunity of caring for your little satanistic conquest you call a dwarf rabbit. This rabbit actually growls..yes I said growls. That's not the cutest part though, the best is when he growls as he is knawing your hand or ankle off. I have never experienced animal care to this extent. It was the Omen all over again, just instead of satan being a little boy, he was a pint sized throw pillow known as Sidney the rabbit. I swear this rabbit was once a werewolf and was regenerated as a dwarf bunny on Plum Island!

So what could a good caregiver do? I had a quick saiance, then blessed the apartment, and moved out of town!
                                                

Can a Devil Dog Turn a Good Rabbit Bad???

More problems in Bun Land Folks. The recent crisis was an awful odor eminating from Jim's apartment. Jim keeps the place immaculate so we just didn't understand it. It had been about 4 weeks and he was ready to pack up and move. A clean freak simply cannot tolerate these kind of conditions. As a last ditch effort to help I pulled out the couch, and...holy shit!!  There it was a stack of half eaten, rotten devil dogs with thousands of little bites and cream smears on them. Obviously we cleaned up the mess. Neither thumps or Fran would claim the devil dog fiasco. It was time to take an educated guess. There are two things a devil dog can give you : an erection or a fat ass. well, there was the answer, Thumps was limp and fran's ass fat! So aside from taking away her walbaums and visa card, Jim has her contained in a play area 24/7. I didn't feel bad about it until this letter below came in the mail. What would you do after reading the following:

Dearest human sister almost Kelly:

I don't know how I can live with what I have done. I am the culprit of the devil dog fiasco, yes I Thumper, doer of good....I messed up. If I had to suck down one more fucking bail of hay I would have killed myself. And my salad, so bland, just dark greens, the part most people skip in their salad. I was craving variety, and watching jim molest his devil dog last month just set me off. The way he licked the cream off his nose without flinching, even his farts smelled good after that. So I did it, I used peapod and ordered 12,000 boxes of devil dogs to be delivered. Then I hid them under the couch. This was no easy feet trying to fit all of those devil dogs and fran's fat ass under the same couch. But I did it.

Then I realized I could only eat a half at a time....Problem...I don't like sloppy seconds, so I would just move on to the next devil dog. I mean let's be realistic here, I'm a rabbit, I couldn't just throw the leftovers in the garbage like a human does. So they sat..and..well..here we are.

It's not like Fran is perfect either. You can't imagine how many copies of Cat Fancy she has stolen, and well..used for female things in the past. She really does deserve to be punished. What can I do my almost human sister...Help me!

Yours Truly,
Thumps

Bin Laden's Alternate Hide Out Revealed

Well let's face it, he was a smart cookie. Who would have had enough brass balls to hide out in a military occupied area for five years? Great job on the part of the Pakistani military...a big golf clap to their thorough investigative skills and loyal support of human rights.
It has been reported that his alternate plan was to camp out in the middle of times square, who knows how long it would have taken him to be discovered there. He was planning to dine at the white house, in a shroud of complete white as to meld in with the table cloth for cover. I don't know people, if criminals get any smarter what will we do?
                                                 

Is Frannie out and Bugs in???

Have you heard the latest gossip in Bun land? It has been said that James Junior has found a replacement for Frannie (the ugly but smart bunny). Apparently James has tired of her smart wit, deviant behavior, and controlling nature..and let's face it she's ugly as hell! It has also been revealed that her current partner and litter mate, THUMPS, is agreeable to this decision, and looks forward to his new partner Bugs Bunny! Two timing back stabber, after all the times she risked his neck to save hers, who does he think he is? It is rumored that Frannie will be dropped off at Bugs' hole with food and hay for a year and a six month pass to Jenny Craig. Sources close to the sick household state that Frannie would be more agreeable to this if James would just supply her with cable and a small GIMP (to replace Thumps).

Well Frannie, WATAOAW  (Women Against the Abuse of Abusive Women), wants to help you. We know how to get all of you're Ex's back, I have picked out a program just for a woman like you, it is guaranteed to work.

Seriously People, if you are still in love with you're Ex, try the following program, it's sick how well it works!
                                       http://tinyurl.com/4uf2uqy


Please leave comments if you have tried it, I love the success stories.


Also check out The Bun Life, and show your support for poor Fran!
http://tlhebunife.blogspot.com


                             

Exploring The Bun Life with James Junior

So this is a blog by James Junior called.."The Bun Life". It's a humorous blog about James and his three house rabbits. So he promotes the heading as, "What happens when a single guy and three rabbits live together?", or something like that. So I decided to answer that question and find out what really does happen.

This is what I came up with:

                                    

OMG! The offspring is a little strange.

So, what have we learned here? Do Not Ever leave a single guy alone with three rabbits!!!!

Just for Laughs check out the Bun Life by James Junior:

The Bun Life