Hampton Humour Page: WEEKLY SPECIALS AT THE LOCAL GROCER

Sunday, September 19, 2010

WEEKLY SPECIALS AT THE LOCAL GROCER

RICK'S RECYCLED FOOD
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store hours: every Tuesday 1pm-2pm

CHICKEN PARTS 0.99/LB
beaks, toes, and feathers included
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PEPSI 12 oz/0.99/bottle
previously recycled
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ALUMINUM FOIL $1.49
1.33 foot roll
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SPARE RIBS $1.49/lb
meat not included
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***Coupons are accepted every fifth Sunday of the month

1 comment:

Kelly TokachSeptember 20, 2010 at 6:03 PM
Love it Kel, just Love it! Is it ok to compliment myself...
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Dora the Explorer Busted in Uganda!

You heard it right folks, Dora the Explorer has been busted! On Tuesday, our innocent little explorer was arrested, after some not so innocent plant material was found in her..you guessed it..backpack, backpack! Dora and her little monkey friend were taken to a local medical center to treat minor wounds that occurred while they were apparently resisting arrest. Swiper the fox has been said to have been an informant for Border Patrol in this case. Although Dora maintains her innocence claiming he is a liar with his pants on fire.

We will keep you updated as the story develops!

On the late edition:

-Gay Relationships- Should Burt and Ernie tie the not..and where does rubber ducky fit in?

-Big Bird sues Weight Watchers after co star snuffalufo..whatever...molests him with his trunk on the set of their new commercial.

-Oscar the Grouch unmasked as a fraud after girl sees him chillin' in his penthouse in manhattan, smiling with a martini in his hand. The penthouse does not resemble a garbage can at all, and welfare should be ceased and charges brought forward.

Colgate Raises the Price of Dental Floss!

Colgate corporation has just announced that they plan on raising the price of their dental floss due to the fact that it can also be used as undergarments known as G-string underpants, and bathing suits. The CEO of Colgate made this announcement after viewing an investigative report on the current under garment and swimsuit styles for the season. The feeling is that if they can be used as fashion items, then they should share in the profits, such as made by Victoria's secret corporation.

Many of the east end women are furious that their secret has been uncovered. They were thrilled with the savings on standard bathing suits, being that one container of dental floss usually covered their swimsuit needs for an entire season, and the minty fresh scent was an added bonus.

Bummer dudettes!

Read more on this subject:

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/5858396/yes_or_no_for_gstring_panties.html?cat=46

10 Questions to Ask Your Doctor Before Getting a Defibrillator

1- Where do I charge myself up, and how often? Where do I plug in the power cord? (Please don't say my butt)

2- Can I zap anyone intentionally, at will? (let's say put one hand in water and the other on someone's head)

3- I know it's waterproof, but what kind of a zippy bag is it in? A good ziploc bag or say a dollar store bag?

4- If the thing actually activates, will I look like Don King when it's over?

5- Will I smell burnt after activation?

6- Will it make me stupider? (as if that's possible)

7- If I hook up with someone else with one, will we blow up?

8- Can someone control it with a wireless remote? (You can't be too careful!)

9- Will it replace your vibrator? Massage chair? or chiropractic visits?

10- Will I get a refund from LIPA if it doesn't activate often?

New Mcdonald's Cure for the "Hasbrown Heartburn"

It's truly amazing, Mcdonald's has stepped into the forefront again to provide another healthy alternative to the old golden crispy hashbrown. After numerous lawsuits related to Hashbrown heartburn, McDonald's has invented the Pink Potato Pie. What is it you ask? It's simply that great tasting, golden hashbrown that you love basted in pepto bismol and gently heated under nuclear radiation lamps. Ceo, Ronald McDonald, personally traveled to the town of Riverhead, where most of the current lawsuits have generated from, to launch the first sales of the pink miracle.

He stated, "We are very excited to introduce this new hashbrown to the public, as a matter of fact we are giving our first customer that weighs in at over 300lbs a one year supply for free". What a great thing folks. In the future look forward to coupons for free cancer treatment related to radiant heating, they will be coming out next year. So if you live that long be prepared to take advantage of the offer.

Kelly Osborne Suffering from Anorexia Below the Head

Poor Kelly Osborne was interviewed recently by Ellen Degeneres on...you guessed it, The "ELLEN" show. Who the hell else would have her. But the point is that it was apparent from her appearance that she is suffering from severe anorexia from her neck down. It was so sad to see her huge melon head on that stick figure body, brought me to tears as I'm sure it did most viewers. I guess the question remains "How long will she be able to balance her head on that toothpick neck?". Only time will tell. Feel free to send your well wishes to Kelly's dad (OZZY) at Last Chance Saloon for rejects and has-beens, 666 over lane, TooLate, MI 13134.

Disclaimer: This is all in fun, we really love Kelly, Ozzy, and Ellen and hope to god they don't sue us.

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Sunday, September 19, 2010

WEEKLY SPECIALS AT THE LOCAL GROCER

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Kelly Tokach

"mmm...A little Salty"

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