Hampton Humour Page: March 2011

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Is Frannie out and Bugs in???

Have you heard the latest gossip in Bun land? It has been said that James Junior has found a replacement for Frannie (the ugly but smart bunny). Apparently James has tired of her smart wit, deviant behavior, and controlling nature..and let's face it she's ugly as hell! It has also been revealed that her current partner and litter mate, THUMPS, is agreeable to this decision, and looks forward to his new partner Bugs Bunny! Two timing back stabber, after all the times she risked his neck to save hers, who does he think he is? It is rumored that Frannie will be dropped off at Bugs' hole with food and hay for a year and a six month pass to Jenny Craig. Sources close to the sick household state that Frannie would be more agreeable to this if James would just supply her with cable and a small GIMP (to replace Thumps).

Well Frannie, WATAOAW (Women Against the Abuse of Abusive Women), wants to help you. We know how to get all of you're Ex's back, I have picked out a program just for a woman like you, it is guaranteed to work.

Seriously People, if you are still in love with you're Ex, try the following program, it's sick how well it works!
http://tinyurl.com/4uf2uqy

Please leave comments if you have tried it, I love the success stories.

Also check out The Bun Life, and show your support for poor Fran!
http://tlhebunife.blogspot.com

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Exploring The Bun Life with James Junior

So this is a blog by James Junior called.."The Bun Life". It's a humorous blog about James and his three house rabbits. So he promotes the heading as, "What happens when a single guy and three rabbits live together?", or something like that. So I decided to answer that question and find out what really does happen.

This is what I came up with:

OMG! The offspring is a little strange.

So, what have we learned here? Do Not Ever leave a single guy alone with three rabbits!!!!

Just for Laughs check out the Bun Life by James Junior:

The Bun Life

Bad Haircuts for Babies

Ok, I admit it, I tried to save a buck on a professional haircut. Yes, I did it at home, with our dog buzzer..come on it's not that bad. I'm thinking of opening my own business for toddler haircuts...Make your appointments now!

Thursday, March 3, 2011

American Airlines Offers New Promotion for Seniors

Kudos to American airlines who recently designed a new round trip package price for seniors flying to Florida. The new package offers the following:

-Waterproof coach seating for the incontinent senior
- A personal life insurance agent available by flight phone
- Personal restraints for those with senility
- muzzles for those unwanted talkers
- and instead of oxygen masks (since they figure the senior would probably have a heart attack on a sharp descent anyway) a bag of xanax drops from the ceiling with a bottle of premium poland spring water.

All of this for the low rate of $399.00 round trip. The reduction in price is made possible due to the fact that most trips made by seniors are usually one way anyway.

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Dora the Explorer Busted in Uganda!

You heard it right folks, Dora the Explorer has been busted! On Tuesday, our innocent little explorer was arrested, after some not so innocent plant material was found in her..you guessed it..backpack, backpack! Dora and her little monkey friend were taken to a local medical center to treat minor wounds that occurred while they were apparently resisting arrest. Swiper the fox has been said to have been an informant for Border Patrol in this case. Although Dora maintains her innocence claiming he is a liar with his pants on fire.

We will keep you updated as the story develops!

On the late edition:

-Gay Relationships- Should Burt and Ernie tie the not..and where does rubber ducky fit in?

-Big Bird sues Weight Watchers after co star snuffalufo..whatever...molests him with his trunk on the set of their new commercial.

-Oscar the Grouch unmasked as a fraud after girl sees him chillin' in his penthouse in manhattan, smiling with a martini in his hand. The penthouse does not resemble a garbage can at all, and welfare should be ceased and charges brought forward.

Colgate Raises the Price of Dental Floss!

Colgate corporation has just announced that they plan on raising the price of their dental floss due to the fact that it can also be used as undergarments known as G-string underpants, and bathing suits. The CEO of Colgate made this announcement after viewing an investigative report on the current under garment and swimsuit styles for the season. The feeling is that if they can be used as fashion items, then they should share in the profits, such as made by Victoria's secret corporation.

Many of the east end women are furious that their secret has been uncovered. They were thrilled with the savings on standard bathing suits, being that one container of dental floss usually covered their swimsuit needs for an entire season, and the minty fresh scent was an added bonus.

Bummer dudettes!

10 Questions to Ask Your Doctor Before Getting a Defibrillator

1- Where do I charge myself up, and how often? Where do I plug in the power cord? (Please don't say my butt)

2- Can I zap anyone intentionally, at will? (let's say put one hand in water and the other on someone's head)

3- I know it's waterproof, but what kind of a zippy bag is it in? A good ziploc bag or say a dollar store bag?

4- If the thing actually activates, will I look like Don King when it's over?

5- Will I smell burnt after activation?

6- Will it make me stupider? (as if that's possible)

7- If I hook up with someone else with one, will we blow up?

8- Can someone control it with a wireless remote? (You can't be too careful!)

9- Will it replace your vibrator? Massage chair? or chiropractic visits?

10- Will I get a refund from LIPA if it doesn't activate often?

New Mcdonald's Cure for the "Hasbrown Heartburn"

It's truly amazing, Mcdonald's has stepped into the forefront again to provide another healthy alternative to the old golden crispy hashbrown. After numerous lawsuits related to Hashbrown heartburn, McDonald's has invented the Pink Potato Pie. What is it you ask? It's simply that great tasting, golden hashbrown that you love basted in pepto bismol and gently heated under nuclear radiation lamps. Ceo, Ronald McDonald, personally traveled to the town of Riverhead, where most of the current lawsuits have generated from, to launch the first sales of the pink miracle.

He stated, "We are very excited to introduce this new hashbrown to the public, as a matter of fact we are giving our first customer that weighs in at over 300lbs a one year supply for free". What a great thing folks. In the future look forward to coupons for free cancer treatment related to radiant heating, they will be coming out next year. So if you live that long be prepared to take advantage of the offer.

Kelly Osborne Suffering from Anorexia Below the Head

Poor Kelly Osborne was interviewed recently by Ellen Degeneres on...you guessed it, The "ELLEN" show. Who the hell else would have her. But the point is that it was apparent from her appearance that she is suffering from severe anorexia from her neck down. It was so sad to see her huge melon head on that stick figure body, brought me to tears as I'm sure it did most viewers. I guess the question remains "How long will she be able to balance her head on that toothpick neck?". Only time will tell. Feel free to send your well wishes to Kelly's dad (OZZY) at Last Chance Saloon for rejects and has-beens, 666 over lane, TooLate, MI 13134.

Disclaimer: This is all in fun, we really love Kelly, Ozzy, and Ellen and hope to god they don't sue us.

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