Gotta Have a Sense of Humor for this One

We all know my heart sucks since the attack in 2008...and yada, yada, yada. So the latest is they want to install a defibrillator. Have to vent here. Every day since they told me this my mother is all with, "you have to do it", "it's a good idea", "when are you having the surgery". Ok, I didn't win ticket to a knicks game here, let's stop the cheering and think. At the time it was suggested my heart rhythm only changed due to stress or illness. Lately every morning and every night. So how many times will that beauty of device be zapping me each year, do the math, 730 times a year. Can you see me by July, I'd look like a french Fry. And what about the baby. did anyone consider that???? Since you can't know when you'll be zapped, how can you keep them safe. Do you really think I won't drop him if I get zapped by this thing unexpectedly, get real. That's like telling a mother on a crashing airplane to hold your baby instead of seatbelting him in. At 600 miles per second towards the ground I'd trust the seatbelt more.

And lastly, what about the LIPA bill, that's gotta be a dooozy! Smarter idea, consider compact AED system in the home. Mom, I'll look into it!

Happy Father's Day..My Dad Rocks!

As many of you know, I recently started a rather vulgar, sarcastic adult humor column, called "The Crack Up Corner". It really is distastefully funny.

So a friend asked me just yesterday, *the saint that she is*, "Aren't you afraid your dad will see the blog?"
I Flatly answered, "Who do you think gives me my ideas for content?".

I Love my Dad!

Butt Crack back in Style

That's right, it's the new fad! All you cable men out there, flaunt your butt crack, be proud your pants can't climb your gut! How do you attain this classy new look? According to Fashion Fad consultant Isee Yobutt, simply consume two to four twelve packs of Budweiser (Not the light brand) every four hours for say..twenty years. In no time you will resemble Larry "The Cable Guy", and the chicks will come flockin'. Levi's jeans has actually taken advantage of the new fashion and cut their jeans below gut level to promote the "Pants Falling Down" look. They should be in stores by the time the superbowl starts.

I Give You My Word (as a liar!)

Don't you just love it, liars in general. Masquerading as victims and saints. Someone said they would do something for me just yesterday, a simple task. I never asked, they offered. Knowing they wouldn't do it I didn't want to accept, it's more trouble than it's worth. But they insisted. So knowing they would back out, I figured I would call them early so I could plan to do it myself. Can you believe all day they avoided my call, putting my task off schedule by hours. Finally I get this person at her friend's house. Her friend says, after trying to reach this derelict all day, can she call you back. Hello?????!!!!????
I said "No".
Well she came to phone, obviously pissed off by my phone call. I mean how could I bother her, especially after she agreed to do something she had no intention of doing. The victim in her came out, I was in the wrong. I should apologize for trying to get an answer either way so I could plan my unimportant day. How do you say irresponsible B**ch in chinese? Anyway I have a point here.
All of us truthful, honest, caring people need to stop abusing the world's liars. It's just not fair to them. It's a free country and they should be able to lie as much as they want, and we should shut up and deal with it. Follow Obama's lead....lie,lie,lie...Yeah what was it he was going to do. Oh yeah...fix the economy...thank god I voted for him or I wouldn't understand what it was like to live in poverty. Guess where I'll be in four years when he's settling into his retirement home in some cush county, the unemployment line. How do you say NEW REPUBLICAN in english????
Liars...God's way of letting you know you haven't made it to heaven yet!

Washing Machine Broken????

I've got the answer East Enders...Forget the laundry mat.
Simply put your small amount of clothes in a mesh laundry bag and put them in the dishwasher. They will have to be wrung out and hung of course.
Then sit down and write a postcard to the over paid, fatcat laundry mat in your area. Tell them to Kiss Your Ass! You spent the money you would have used to do your laundry with them on a down payment for a house in Wyandanch! Who feels stupid now, huh???

Firewood for Sale: That's Original!

Drive anywhere on the East End and you will be sure to encounter Firewood for sale every 10 feet or so, on the side of the road. I mean why would you want to buy from a solid supplier when you could cheaply get yourself a pile of wet, snow drenched, un-measured wood from the side of the road for $85.00. Does anyone really know what a cord of wood looks like anymore? Just a hint, if it fits in the backseat of your volvo, it's not a cord. Out on the east end we call it a rip-off and you are known as the "Sucker". So what great forest did we get this wood from you ask? Our backyards, we are far to busy on facebook to actually research and travel to find quality wood. Don't mess with those piles either, they are strategically stacked to hide the warped pieces that will not burn in your fireplace. But on a bright note, at least the pumpkin pickers are gone!